Privilege confuses me.

Privilege confuses me. So does “counting my blessings.” Be happy with all that you’ve got, there are so many less fortunate. What does that mean, so many less fortunate?

We recently had our mid-term/end-term retreat for our two years as JVIs. For one of our sessions we read an article called Becoming a Development Category by Nanda Shrestha of Nepal. He speaks, from personal experience, about the psychological and cultural effect of “Westerners” (whatever that means) in Nepal – how, as colonial powers, they “manage to disrupt in spectacular fashion the cultural life of a conquered people.”*

In the course of the piece he says, “To my innocent mind, poverty looked natural…it never seemed threatening and dehumanizing.” He goes on to talk about bikas, and the bikasis (the developed), who had acquired some knowledge of so-called modern science and technology in contrast to the abikasis or pakhe who were uncivilized, underdeveloped, backward. In the eyes of the bikasis, “whatever human capital, productive forces or knowledge our parents [as pakhe] had accumulated over the years did not count for much.” With the arrival of Missionaries with medicine whites, who were once mocked and treated as the lowest in the societal pyramid, were placed at its apex. This “accentuated whites’ pre-existing feeling of superiority and, in their own minds, justified their treatment of us as uncivilized and inferior or as needing salvation.” Thus, Peace Corps Volunteers (as an example) “saw themselves as advisors and exhibited an aura of superiority” and the “bikas solidified the colonial notion that we were incapable of doing things for ourselves and by ourselves.”

Essentially, in Nepal’s attempt to become “Westernized” Shrestha says, “we have created a monster out of developmentism, lost touch with our social consciousness and humanity, and surrendered our national dignity and culture.” All in the name of fighting that horrendous evil that is poverty.

But what is poverty? For one thing, with what criteria are we measuring poverty? Wealth? For another, why is poverty so looked down upon, so despised, so feared, so stigmatized??

This is where it gets confusing for me. All my life I’ve been brought up to understand my privilege, to be aware of how lucky I am to have the opportunities I’ve had and have, and to be responsible and outward looking with such privilege. What am I going to do with my privilege, I’ve been asked time and time again. Help those less privileged? Or simply pursue my privilege to a greater height? It always seemed honourable, righteous, even humble to acknowledge how lucky I was, how “blessed,” and then to challenge myself about what I was going to do then with my life. But of late, I’ve been really uncomfortable with the thinking about myself as “privileged” at all.

After all, who is measuring this privilege? Who decides what privilege is at all? Power? Money? Wealth? Choices? Material possessions? And yet Jesus says “Blessed are the poor, the meek” and “the first shall be last, the last shall be first.” Buddha encourages detachment from material and worldly things, and we all know the expressions “money doesn’t buy happiness,” “power corrupts,” and “keep it simple stupid.” Why do we then equate privilege, or progress, development, with these things that we’ve acknowledged miss the point?

It is generally accepted that in life we all desire to avoid suffering and to be happy. So why don’t we seek out people who seem to be happier, and call them the privileged and try to learn from them? Why don’t we seek out the simpler lives, and call them privileged, and learn from them? Why not put that pursuit – the pursuit of happiness – above all others, rather than the distractions that are money, power, wealth? Why aren’t the happier nations, rather then the “richer” nations, the ones “leading the world?”

And yet it gets more confusing because I know that there is some reality in this privilege I’ve been told I possess. I have opportunities that are inaccessible to many in Micronesia, and yet desired. I have access to health care, and have had a significant education. I have a greater freedom to follow my will. The list goes on, but despite it all I remain suspricious, uncomfortable and unconvinced that this privilege is little more than a superficial social structure.

Privilege confuses me. I wonder if instead of looking down to see how we can help the “poor” we ought instead to be looking up to ask for help ourselves?

* This was actually a quote he used to begin his article, taken from someone named Fanon.